Still Kickin'?

Dear Mags,
Since I haven't heard from you in a coon's age, I guess you coulda passed. If you write back, I'll know you didn't. Hope you didn't because you're my last livin' friend and I don't wanta be last. I wanta be cried over when I pass over to my great réward. You're prob'ly thinkin' how I know I'm gonna get a great réward, well, I had a sign. Okay, now you're thinkin', yeah, right, but I did.

I was brushin' my teeth--you remember those ones I bought a few years back, yeah, those. I keep 'em nice and white, too. Real purty. Anyway, I was brushin' away and rinsed 'em off and popped 'em back in and smiled real big and you know who I was the spittin' image of? Doris Day! Rremember her? All those movies with those cute guys, Gordan McCrae and Howard Keel. I woulda married Howard in a New York minute if he'da asked me. I knew that was a sign, because both those cute guys is dead and I just might meet 'em up there, ya know?

Well, anyway, a lot has happened since I last heard from you. Frank's got kinda skitzy on me; thinks the sun's rays are tryin' to suck him up into the sun, so he quit goin' outside. Which meant he quit his job at the Stop N Go, not that it was a outside job, but he had to go outside to get there, ya know. So, guess what? I took his place, and it ain't so bad. I get to chat with folks when they come in, excep they's mostly in a hurry, so I been practicing talkin' fast, so I can get more words in before they leave. I'm gettin' where I remind myself of those old tobacca auctioneers--you remember how fast they talked? I'm gettin' kinda like that but the people who come in look at me like I'm crazy, so I've had ta slow down some.

My fingers are gettin' tired. So's my brain. I wish you had one a them cell phones. Matter of fac, I wish I had one, too. Then we could email ...or is it tex...I forgit, but either way we could have a nice, long chat. That is, if you're still alive. So, lemme know, okay?
Love, yo much younger friend, Ida.

And if you don't wanta write, come on down for a visit. We could have a grand ole time. Maybe you could perk up Frank .... Or take him back with you. Ha ha. whoa, that's not a bad idea.