Ghosted

It was the fourth ring before Harry reluctantly answered his phone.

"Hello, my prince," his girlfriend's voice gushed from the other end.

"How many times do I have to tell you. I'm not Prince Harry!"

"You'll always be my prince," Taylor purred from the other end. "What are we having for dinner tonight?"

"My cock!" Harry declared. "I thought we'd cook up one of the roosters from my chicken coop and serve it with some fried rice."

"Yass plz," assented Taylor. "I'm coming right now. I mean, coming over."

"Great!" Harry Styles dramatically clapped his flip-phone shut. It was the next best thing to slamming a traditional dial-up phone. He loudly breathed a sigh of relief, turning to Simon Cowell. "I need to ditch this broad. Her songs are giving me migraines."

"That dame is bad news," Simon nodded at Harry. "Be careful not to awake the Swifties. They'll come for you in the night."

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Grace VanderWaal and Harry were getting hot and heavy when they heard Harry's phone ring. "Please tell me that's not Taylor again," Grace wailed. "Can't you just change your phone number?"

"That wouldn't be true ghosting," retorted Harry. "Come on, let's go. We'll be late. We can finish this later."

The two hastily rearranged their clothes and headed towards their Uber, which was waiting to drive them to the 2022 Music Awards ceremony.

The evening was dominated with Taylor Swift winning award after award. Copious martinis enabled attendees to endure the boredom of one person winning everything. As Taylor went up to receive the Top Female Artist award, someone finally came to the rescue.

Security tried to intercept him, but Kanye was quicker, and he grabbed Taylor's mic. "Yo Taylor, I'm really happy for you. Ima let you finish, but Grace VanderWaal had one of the hottest videos of all time!" The cameras panned to Grace and Harry, who were sitting together several rows back.

Taylor gasped.

But Kanye was just getting started. "Just ask Simon Cowell. He said she's the next Taylor Swift! Did Harry get an upgrade? OK Taylor, you can keep going. But check out that Lion's Den vid she just made." He handed the mic back to her.

The auditorium erupted in applause.

"HARRY GHOSTED ME!" Taylor shrieked into the microphone. "Harry, you're dead."

A mob of Swifties descended upon the auditorium, easily overwhelming the security guards and trampling them underfoot with their sparkly cowgirl boots.

"Quick! Follow me!" Simon Cowell appeared, escorting Harry and Grace to a secret exit. They rushed into a downward sloping tunnel as the sounds of death and destruction followed them from the surface, egged on by Taylor yelling stuff about Beautiful Ghosts.