| Satire Fiction posted June 24, 2025 | Chapters: |
...22 23 -24- 25... 
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A courtroom battle over evidence admissibility
A chapter in the book Milton vs the HOA
Milton vs the HOA - Chapter 24
by Jim Wile
| Background A meek accountant moves into the HOA from hell. |
Recap of Chapter 23: Esme, who was out walking, witnesses the entire scene of the assault and kidnapping. She summons the police, and Rosie’s ex-husband, Robby, is taken away and arrested. Inside Rosie’s house, while Esme fixes tea, Milton and Rosie confess their love for each other, and Rosie makes her decision to stay. Milton is overjoyed. Esme promises to keep an open ear about a music teaching job for Rosie.
Milton accompanies Rosie to St. Paul and helps her move out of her apartment and set up the house she inherited from Betty. We find out Robby is sentenced to many years in jail. Things are looking up for Rosie, but the chapter ends on an ominous note. There's a cloud on the horizon that could still ruin everything.
Chapter 24
One hurdle down, George, with two yet to come. A successful outcome with those, and I think your mission here will be concluded. I trust you are feeling good about things, as Milton, with your help, is well on his way to a life of happiness and fulfillment. You’ve done well, but your remaining tasks will require all of your attention. No time for slacking now, as was your wont in life. Stay alert!
Dorothy Clodfelter was not doing well. As president of the Board of Directors for the past 15 years, she had been ousted in a few short weeks by the likes of that idiot Milton Frobish. The kind of person who was so easy (and enjoyable) to intimidate. She had felt vastly superior to that seemingly inconsequential non-entity. But who was now the president of the HOA, and who was now a disgraced former president facing charges of fraud and embezzlement and looking at a hefty prison term if convicted?
Dorothy had liked the power and perks of the position. She found that she missed making the rules, walking around the neighborhood, and issuing fines for the most minor things. And, of course, being able to line her pockets at the same time. Wasn’t this merely payment for the time she so generously dedicated to overseeing the HOA?
How could this have happened? She had clearly underestimated Milton Frobish and had to admit he had outwitted and outmaneuvered her every step of the way.
And how the hell had he gotten hold of those damn bank records?
After being arrested and booked, she had spent several days in jail waiting for her bail hearing and decided she would not go down without a major fight. She’d had to pay a hefty bail, but at least she was free—for now.
It all came down to the bank records. If she could get them thrown out as evidence for being illegally obtained, then she might have a chance of getting out of this with minimal damage.
And Penny—that vain little numbskull with her perfectly coiffed hair and cute little figure, who tries to pass herself off as a 40-year-old—she would be the weak link in this trial. But Dorothy had to make nice to her and try to keep her spirits up. She feared Penny would cave under the pressure and spill the beans in return for a lighter sentence for herself. That would be a disaster.
If, somehow, she managed to come out of this unscathed or only mildly scathed, it would be time to pull up roots and leave. Of that, Dorothy was certain.
A pre-trial motion to suppress the bank statements was held on November 24. Besides the prosecutor and the defense attorneys, present at the hearing were Dorothy Clodfelter, Penny Smalls, Milton Frobish, Esme Green, Rosemary Kleinsmith, and the HOA’s attorney.
The defense brought the motion, so Dorothy’s attorney spoke first. “Your Honor, I would like to make a motion to suppress the bank records as evidence in the trial against my client. I believe these records were obtained illegally by Milton Frobish, and the case against my client would never have been brought without them. To allow them at trial would violate her right to due process.”
“I’m well aware of the implication of allowing the records into evidence,” said the judge. “On what basis do you claim the records were illegally obtained? Doesn’t Mr. Frobish, the current president of the HOA, have the legal right to acquire the bank records?”
“Yes, Your Honor, he does now, but at the time he acquired them, he was not the president and acquired them illegally. I must confess, I don’t know how he did it. There is a prescribed way for an HOA member to request to see the bank records, but he did not follow it, and yet somehow, he acquired them. I can only conclude that he did so illegally.”
“Let me get this straight,” said the judge. “You’re going to prove your case by res ipsa loquitur?”
“Exactly, Your Honor. The thing speaks for itself.”
“Alright, does the prosecutor have an opening statement?”
“Yes, Your Honor. Mr. Frobish did nothing illegal to obtain the bank records, as his testimony will show. The legal way of obtaining them makes them admissible at trial.”
“And you will reveal how he obtained them?” asked the judge.
“Yes, Your Honor.”
“Alright. I’m going to have you go first, since the burden of proof now appears to be yours.”
“Thank you, Your Honor. I’d like to call Mrs. Esmeralda Green to the stand.”
Esme was sworn in and took her seat on the witness stand.
“Now, Mrs. Green, did you accompany Mr. Frobish to the house of Betty Kleinsmith on June 8 of this year for the purpose of obtaining bank records?”
“Not precisely, no. Mr. Frobish was interested in seeing any financial records Betty would be willing to show us. As you know, the HOA is required to produce monthly financial statements, which are available to the members upon request. It was those that Milton and I wanted to see.”
“And did she voluntarily show you any?”
“Financial statements? No. She no longer produced them. But she did show us a log of dues payments made by the members each month.”
“Did you or Mr. Frobish request to see the bank records as distinct from the financial statements?”
“No, sir. As I recall, Milton asked Betty if she kept the monthly bank records, but he never asked to see them. Betty wondered out loud—I don’t remember the exact words, but something like—‘Was that what Dorothy told me never to show anyone?’ Betty’s memory was not very good, you see. She was quite senile by this point. She suggested that Milton ask Dorothy about the bank records.”
The prosecutor then asked, “Mrs. Green, were the bank records in view?”
“Yes. They were in a notebook on the desk in the same room where we all were.”
“And where was Mr. Frobish seated?”
“He was seated closest to the desk where the notebook was.”
“Did you see him leafing through the notebook and copying down the contents?”
“No, sir. It was the most peculiar thing. There was an open window next to the desk, and there was a draft coming in. The pages of the open notebook were slowly flipping over one by one, presumably by the draft from the window. We all saw them. Betty then asked Rosie—that’s Rosemary Kleinsmith, her granddaughter—to please close the window, which she did. Then the pages stopped flipping.”
“Thank you, Mrs. Green. No further questions.”
The judge turned to the defense attorney, who said, “I have no questions for this witness.”
The prosecutor called Rosie to the stand next, and she corroborated everything Esme had said. Again, no questions from the defense attorney.
The prosecutor then called Milton to the stand. “Mr. Frobish, could you please tell us why you went to see Betty Kleinsmith on June 8?”
“I had recently moved into the neighborhood and had heard several stories about how the HOA’s funds were being mismanaged. As an accountant by profession, I wanted to take a look at any financial records Mrs. Kleinsmith, the treasurer, was willing to show me.”
“Did you ask to see the bank records?”
“No. I only asked if she kept the bank records; I hadn’t yet gotten around to asking her if I could see them.”
“But you were sitting right next to them on the desk.”
“I had not looked at what was on the desk and did not know it was the bank records until the pages started flipping over. Then my attention was turned to the notebook.”
“So, they were in plain sight, available for anyone to look at?”
“Yes.”
The prosecutor went to his table, retrieved a sheaf of papers, and said, “Your Honor, I’d like to introduce this document as People’s Exhibit 1.”
“Granted.”
“Now, Mr. Frobish, do you recognize this document, sir?”
“Yes.”
“Could you tell us what it is?”
“Yes. It’s the monthly bank statements for the HOA’s checking account for the period of January 2024 through April 2025.”
“Where did it come from?”
“It was printed on my printer at home.”
“And how did you get ahold of the document to print it?”
“I availed myself of a photographic memory to memorize and later reproduce the pages of the document.”
There was a sudden stirring of the people in the courtroom at this fantastic pronouncement. Dorothy Clodfelter sprang to her feet and shouted, “He’s lying! No one can do that.”
The judge banged his gavel to bring order to the court. “Mrs. Clodfelter, we’ll have no more of that!”
“Listen, Judge. That’s bullshit. He stole those records somehow.”
“Mrs. Clodfelter, you’ll restrain yourself. You’ll keep a civil tongue in my courtroom. Another outburst like that, and I’ll hold you in contempt.”
She harumphed and sat down again, but she was seething inside.
“No further questions, Your Honor,” said the prosecutor.
The judge then called on the defense attorney to cross-examine Milton.
Holding the exhibit in his hands, he said, “Mr. Frobish, it is your contention that, in your words, ‘you availed yourself of a photographic memory’ to memorize this 32-page document merely by scanning the pages as the wind flipped them over in the notebook. Is that correct?”
“Yes.”
“How is that possible, sir? I don’t believe anyone can do that, yet you claim to be able to.”
“Yes, via a photographic memory.”
“Your Honor, like Mrs. Clodfelter, I believe he is lying. I would like to find out if he is truly capable of this incredible claim.”
“So would I,” said the judge.
“Your Honor, do you have available a document of some sort we could use as a test? I would be happy to let you select the document.”
“Certainly.” The judge pulled a book from a shelf beneath his bench entitled Judicial Handbook of Evidence. He handed this to the defense attorney and said, “Why don’t you have Mr. Frobish glance at, say, page 121 and recite it back?”
Geordie?
Right here, Milton. We’ll blow them away.
“Alright, Mr. Frobish. I’m going to allow you to see page 121 for three seconds, then I will return the text to the judge, and he can verify whether or not your recitation is correct. Are you ready?”
“Yes.”
The defense attorney found page 121 and held it out for Milton to see. Milton took only a cursory glance at the page and then looked away after a split second.
Did you get that, Geordie?
Got it.
The defense attorney handed the text back to the judge, who found the page and said, “Mr. Frobish, you may proceed with your recitation.”
With George reciting the words to him, he began:
"The fiduciary duty of loyalty requires that an officer or director of an organization act in the best interest of the entity and avoid conflicts of interest. This duty is breached when an individual uses their position to derive personal benefit at the expense of the organization. Embezzlement, as defined under common law, involves the fraudulent taking of property by a person to whom it has been entrusted. To prove embez—"
“Alright, Mr. Frobish. That was very impressive,” interrupted the judge with raised eyebrows.
There was a general stirring in the courtroom, and the defense attorney looked stricken. Not to mention Dorothy Clodfelter, who appeared as if she were about to stroke out.
“Could you begin reciting again from the next-to-last paragraph on the page?” said the judge.
“Gladly.”
"In civil cases involving fraud, the plaintiff bears the burden of proof to establish, by preponderance of the evidence, that the defendant knowingly made a false representation of material fact with the intent to deceive and that the plaintiff relied on this misrepresentation to their detriment. While fraud and embezzlement share similarities, the former often involves broader deceptive practices, whereas the latter specifically pertains to the misappropriation of entrusted funds or assets."
“Absolutely 100% perfect,” said the judge with genuine admiration. “The motion to suppress is denied.”
2 chapters remaining
 Recognized |
Milton Frobish: A meek 41-year-old accountant, who moves into an HOA with his brother, George.
George Frobish (Geordie): The 44-year-old invalid brother of Milton. After his death, George becomes a ghost that only Milton can see.
Esme Green (pronounced Ez-may): Milton's next-door neighbor. She is 75.
Dorothy Clodfelter: The president of the Riverwood HOA.
Penny Smalls: The vice president of the Riverwood HOA.
Betty Kleinsmith: The senile treasurer of the Riverwood HOA.
Rosemary Kleinsmith (Rosie): Betty's adult granddaughter. She is 35.
Irene Ferguson: Esme's next-door neighbor.
Robby Martel: Rosie's ex-husband.
Picture courtesy of Imagen-3
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