| Satire Fiction posted May 24, 2025 | Chapters: |
...11 12 -13- 14... 
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Milton and Rosie share some alone time
A chapter in the book Milton vs the HOA
Milton vs the HOA - Chapter 13
by Jim Wile
| Background A meek accountant moves into the HOA from hell. |
Recap of Chapter 12: Esme arranges a meeting with Rosemary and Milton for the following day on the guise of preparing Rosemary to convince her grandmother, Betty, to resign as treasurer. But Esme’s real goal is to get Rosemary and Milton alone together.
Both Rosemary and Milton spend considerable time preparing for the “meeting.” Milton requires George’s help in selecting suitable clothes to wear. Milton also prepares a draft of the petition that will be used to get neighborhood support to oust the Board.
Chapter 13
Milton left his house at five minutes to 7:00. He did not cross the lawn to Esme’s house because the grass was slightly wet from the dew, so he used his front walk to the driveway, and as he was about to turn onto the sidewalk, Rosemary Kleinsmith came walking up right at that moment.
Milton was speechless. He wondered if this was the same woman whom he had met two days before while she was working in the garden. There was a vague resemblance, but he wasn’t certain. This woman had exquisitely brushed, long, chestnut-colored hair that hung to her shoulder blades. Gone were the glasses. She had on a tight-fitting, white ribbed shirt over which she wore an olive-green jacket. A pair of skinny jeans clung tightly to her slim legs.
Milton couldn’t help standing there with his mouth agape as she walked up to him.
“Hello, Milton,” she said, simply.
“Rosemary?”
“Yes, it’s me.”
“I almost didn’t recognize you.”
“One and the same.”
He continued to stare at her until it became awkward.
“Shall we head to Esme’s house?” she finally ventured.
“Yes.”
She started forward, but Milton was still rooted to the spot, watching her now from behind.
Get moving, Milton, or she’ll think you’re weird.
Geordie, she’s stunning. I didn’t expect this. Now I’m extra nervous.
She fixed herself up like that for you. Don’t blow it. Now get moving.
Milton felt a slight push from behind. He snapped out of his stupor and started forward, catching up to Rosemary.
Tell her how nice she looks.
“You look very nice tonight, Rosemary. Er, not that you didn’t look nice the other day, but… well… “
“Thank you.”
That’s all they managed to say as they made their way to Esme’s front door. Milton rang the bell, and they waited for Esme to answer. There was an uncomfortable silence for at least 20 seconds while they waited. Milton tried to think of something clever to say to fill the void, but nothing came to mind. As he was about to reach forward to ring the bell again, Esme finally opened the door.
“Welcome, Rosemary and Milton. Come in. Come in. My, don’t both of you look very attractive! Can I take your jacket, Rosemary?”
“I think I’ll keep it on. I tend to get cold easily.”
“That’s fine, dear. Why don’t we go and have a seat in the parlor? Would either of you like a cup of tea?”
Both declined. Esme showed them to a loveseat where they sat down together while she sat in an armchair facing them with a coffee table in between.
Esme began, “It was so nice seeing you again the other day, Rosemary. It’s been far too long.”
“Why don’t you both call me Rosie? That’s what Gram and most people call me.”
“Alright, Rosie,” continued Esme, “Milton and I enjoyed our visit with you and Betty and hearing her explain some of the workings of the HOA. Milton especially found it very instructive, didn’t you, dear?”
“Yes, I did, Rosema… er, Rosie. I’ve never lived in an HOA before, and I was unfamiliar with the financial commitment it would require. Being an accountant, I’m quite familiar with record keeping, bank statements, financial ledgers, and the like, and I sensed a certain lack of structure, if you will, in the financial records of the neighborhood. It’s difficult to know if the money collected is being well spent if we have no reports to review. Now, I’m sure your grandmother is taking her direction from the other Board members, and she’s doing her best, but I’m curious about her experience with—”
“Let me interrupt for a second. If you’re implying that my grandmother may not be up to the job—”
“Well, I didn’t mean to—”
“—then I couldn’t agree with you more, Milton. I believe it's no longer appropriate to entrust her with managing the HOA’s books, if it ever was. She used to own a dress shop and hired a bookkeeper to keep her books in order. I’m not sure how she was ever talked into this job five years ago, but she wasn’t equipped then, and especially not now, to continue in the position. That’s become abundantly clear to me the more time I spend with her. By the end of the summer, we’re planning on her moving into an assisted living facility and selling her house, so her term would have come to an end anyway. But I think I will talk her into resigning right away before she makes some costly mistake.”
Esme gave Milton and Rosie a sad smile and said, “I, for one, will be sorry to see her move from the neighborhood. We have known each other for a long time, and she’s very dear to me. We were among the earliest neighbors here when things were a lot more pleasant and affordable than they are now.”
Milton said, “I hope I didn’t offend you by mentioning it, Rosie. That wasn’t my intention, but I’m glad you view things the way you do.”
“It’s actually a relief to hear you feel the same—that the job belongs to someone else now.”
Esme said, “I would hate to see her get hurt by what may soon transpire. Perhaps you could explain to Rosie what we’ve been discussing, Milton?”
“Certainly. In the short time I’ve been here, I’ve noticed that the community is being kept in the dark by the Board, and this seems by design.”
Milton filled her in on many of his and Esme’s recent discoveries of the Board’s dereliction of duties. Then he showed both of them the petition he had written. He ended by saying, “We would very much like to avoid including your grandmother as one of the Board members to be replaced, Rosie. There are likely to be hard feelings, and we would want to spare her from those.”
“I appreciate that, Milton. I promise I will do what I can to persuade her to resign before it comes to that. When were you thinking of circulating your petition?”
Milton looked at Esme, who said, “We haven’t decided yet, dear. We will certainly be willing to wait until you’ve had a chance to talk to your Gram.”
“I’ll do it right away and let you know shortly.”
“Well, with that bit of unpleasantry out of the way,” said Esme, “I’ve made a blueberry cobbler. Would anyone like a dish of warm cobbler topped with ice cream?” She looked expectantly at each of them.
With the tension now broken, Milton said, “That sounds wonderful,” and Rosie agreed.
“Then I’ll just leave you for a bit while I go prepare it.”
When Esme bustled out of the room, silence descended over Milton and Rosie. With Esme present and a specific topic to discuss, the conversation flowed well, but left to their own devices, Milton and Rosie grew silent. They looked at each other briefly and looked down again.
Help me out here, Geordie. All of a sudden, I have nothing to say.
Don’t panic, Milton. Why don’t you ask her where she comes from and what she does for a living?
“What do you come from, Rosie? I mean where do you do for a living?”
Geordie! I’m blowing it. One topic at a time, please!
Rosie was quietly amused by Milton’s nervous questions. She was a tad nervous herself now that they were alone together. She decided not to add to his discomfiture. “I’m from St. Paul, Minnesota, where I teach middle school music. That’s why I have the summer off.”
“That’s nice,” was all Milton could think of to say until he thought to add, “My brother and I sing together… that is, we used to before he died.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that. When did he die, if I may ask?”
“Just about a month ago. He died right here about a week after we moved in. We were to be housemates, but there was an accident, and now he’s gone.”
“I’m so sorry Milton. Were you very close?”
“Not very, but we had singing in common. We were members of a barbershop quartet. He sang bass, and I sang lead.”
“Well, at least you had that. I sing myself and teach choir as well as band and orchestra. It’s a small charter school, and I’m the entire music program.”
“That must keep you busy.”
“Yes, but I love it.”
“Do you play all those instruments you undoubtedly teach?”
“Some much better than others. I was trained on piano, but we studied all the instruments in college.”
“I play a little piano myself,” said Milton. “Not very well. Just fair.”
Esme had been listening to this conversation while preparing the dessert and was secretly delighted at how it was going. A bit of a rough start perhaps, but they seemed to have warmed to each other.
“Who’s ready for some warm blueberry cobbler à la mode?” she announced, carrying in a tray with three bowls.
It looked and smelled wonderful, and everyone finished theirs in short order. Both Milton and Rosie declined her offer of a second helping, but Esme helped herself to some more.
Suddenly, an alarm went off on her phone, and she looked at it. “Oh, my! I’ve forgotten I have a lecture to attend down at the library this evening. I promised to give a friend a ride there, and I forgot all about it. It’s a good thing I set this alarm a few days ago, or it would have slipped my mind completely. Will you two be okay here without me? There’s no need for you to leave right away. Stay as long as you’d like.”
I told you Esme was a match-ician. Do you think these two were fooled by her rather obvious attempt to get them together? No matter; it’s the result that counts, and I think both were secretly very pleased by this apparent ploy.
Now that the ice had been broken, Milton and Rosie were much more at ease together. Conversation came readily, mainly about their mutual love of music and singing.
In one corner of Esme’s parlor was a baby grand piano. She, herself, was a piano teacher and had a number of students who came to her house for lessons.
At one point, when there was a lull, Rosie said, “Would you like to try singing a song together, Milton? I don’t think Esme would mind if we sat at her piano.”
“That’s a wonderful idea. Did you have a particular song in mind?” he asked as they headed for the piano.
“Do you know ‘Danny Boy’?”
“I’m very fond of that one. We used to sing it in our quartet. Will you accompany us?”
In answer, she started to play, and on the fourth measure, Milton began singing:
Oh, Danny Boy, the pipes the pipes are calling
From glen to glen and down the mountain side.
The summer’s gone, and all the roses falling.
It’s you, it’s you must go, and I must bide.
From glen to glen and down the mountain side.
The summer’s gone, and all the roses falling.
It’s you, it’s you must go, and I must bide.
Rosie then picked up the melody of the second verse which was higher in pitch. She had a beautiful alto voice reminiscent of Karen Carpenter:
But come ye back when summer's in the meadow,
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow,
For I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow,
Oh, Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so!
Or when the valley's hushed and white with snow,
For I'll be here in sunshine or in shadow,
Oh, Danny boy, oh Danny boy, I love you so!
They continued singing as a duet for the remaining two verses while looking into each other’s eyes, and their voices melded like they’d sung together many times before. Milton felt chills run down his spine as they approached the final lines. When the song ended, they continued to hold each other’s gaze, lost in the solemnity of the moment, with neither wanting to look away. And then they simply smiled.
Milton Frobish: A meek 41-year-old accountant, who moves into an HOA with his brother, George.
George Frobish (Geordie): The 44-year-old invalid brother of Milton. After his death, George becomes a ghost that only Milton can see.
Esme Green (pronounced Ez-may): Milton's next-door neighbor. She is 75.
Dorothy Clodfelter: The president of the Riverwood HOA.
Penny Smalls: The vice president of the Riverwood HOA.
Betty Kleinsmith: The treasurer of the Riverwood HOA.
Rosemary Kleinsmith (Rosie): Betty's adult granddaughter. She is 35.
Picture courtesy of Imagen-3
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