| Satire Fiction posted April 23, 2025 | Chapters: |
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Milton is under suspicion for murder
A chapter in the book Milton vs the HOA
Milton vs the HOA - Chapter 2
by Jim Wile
| Background A meek accountant moves into the HOA from hell. |
Recap of Chapter 1: Brothers Milton and George Frobish have just moved into a house in an HOA. Milton, who is meek and insecure, attempts to push wheelchair-bound George up the five steps to his front door because the ramp that he’d had installed is now missing. But Milton is a stringbean of a man, and he doesn’t quite have the strength to do it. The wheelchair comes crashing back on him, knocking him unconscious and breaking George’s neck.
Milton comes to after a few hours and realizes George is dead. He starts crying, which attracts his next-door neighbor, Esme Green, who comes over and comforts him. She calls the paramedics, who arrive soon, as well as a sheriff’s deputy who takes a statement from both Milton and Esme before the paramedics take Milton to the emergency room.
Chapter 2
Milton was diagnosed with a concussion. He also had several lacerations, and a large contusion on the back of his head where it had hit the walkway. He spent the night at the hospital for observation while under the supervision of another sheriff’s deputy. He was under suspicion of murder, after all. The hospital released him the following day with instructions for his recuperation.
Esme had offered to pick him up at the hospital, and he called her. When he’d settled himself in the front seat and they drove off, she asked, “How are you feeling, Milton?”
“Much better, thank you, Esme. I can only see one of you now. Still a slight headache, though, and I’m a bit stiff and sore from the fall. It quite jarred me.”
“I can imagine—falling backwards like that with that heavy weight smashing you against the bricks. It’s a wonder your neck wasn’t broken. I’m so sorry about your brother.”
“Thank you. If only I’d had the strength to push him up that last step… but I’ve never been very strong.”
“I’m sure you did your best, dear. I’m a bit confused, though. A week ago, I noticed an aluminum ramp had been installed, which went from your walkway up to the front door. Then yesterday afternoon, before I left to run errands, I noticed the ramp was gone. I assumed it was no longer needed.”
“I can see why that’s puzzling you; why indeed was the ramp removed when it was still needed? I’m afraid that wasn’t my doing. Before we moved in, I had the ramp installed, but the HOA must have removed it while I took George to the doctor.”
“Why on earth would they do that?”
He related how he suspected Mrs. Dorothy Clodfelter, the president of the HOA, authorized its removal for reasons of aesthetics.
“That makes me so angry, Milton! It isn’t right. That’s just one more item in a long list of grievances I have against this infernal HOA and that woman. I think you may have grounds for a lawsuit. The only thing about a lawsuit against the HOA is that we all end up paying for it.”
“I’m not very litigious by nature, and I certainly wouldn’t want to penalize my neighbors when the fault seems to be attributable to one person’s unfortunate decision.”
“Unfortunate? You’re too kind. Mean and nasty, I would characterize it. And typical of our HOA president. It makes my blood boil to hear of this. I just wish there were something we could do about it.”
In a few minutes, they arrived back home, where a sheriff’s car was sitting in the street out front to keep an eye on Milton. Esme parked, took his arm, and escorted him toward the front door. As they passed the spot where George had expired, Milton stopped momentarily and looked down. He had a sudden flash of those lifeless eyes as they stared up at him from that horribly cocked head. He shuddered and resumed walking—up those fateful steps and finally inside.
Esme came in with him and made him sit on the recliner in his living room while she made them both tea.
“I can’t thank you enough for your kindness, Esme. I don’t know what I would have done without your help.”
“It was my pleasure to help, Milton. It was the neighborly thing to do.”
“It’s just that I’m not used to such kindness from people. Most tend to ignore me.”
“Well, you’ll find the neighbors in this neighborhood are quite decent people. Most, but not all, but that’s a tale for another time.”
Esme left soon after with a promise to call that night.
An hour later, Milton got a phone call. “Is this Milton Frobish?”
“Yes,” said Milton as his heart leapt into his throat.
“This is Detective Arnold Zimmerman from the Elkhart County Sheriff’s Office. Will you be at home this afternoon, Mr. Frobish?”
“Yes.”
“I would like to come talk to you. Are you available right now?”
“Yes.”
“I’ll be there in 20 minutes.”
“Yes.”
Zimmerman hung up.
Milton expected this call since the deputy had notified him about it yesterday, and he had seen a sheriff’s car with a deputy inside parked in front of his house. He shouldn’t be nervous now because it was clearly an accident. He couldn’t quite remember what he’d told the deputy yesterday, but surely it was enough for him to realize nothing untoward had happened, wasn’t it? But still, Milton was nervous. He’d been tongue-tied on the phone, but he would have to control his nerves and come up with more than one-word answers when speaking to the detective in person.
While waiting for him to arrive, Milton began doing the one thing that always relaxed him. He began to sing, and he started with the song he had been practicing lately.
Life could be a dream (sh-boom)
If I could take you up in Paradise up above (sh-boom)
If you would tell me, I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again, boom (ba-boom)
If I could take you up in Paradise up above (sh-boom)
If you would tell me, I'm the only one that you love
Life could be a dream, sweetheart
Hello, hello again, sh-boom and hopin' we'll meet again, boom (ba-boom)
Milton had a lovely voice with great range and sang lead in a barbershop quartet named Chordially Yours. For such an unassuming and shy person, this may seem incongruous, for being the lead, he carried the melody and had many solo parts.
It’s often the case that introverts make excellent musicians, though, because music provides them with a way of expressing themselves without actually having to talk to people.
In addition to the old barbershop quartet classics like “Sweet Adeline,” they sang a more eclectic program including jazz and swing standards, Christmas songs, and even rock songs such as “Bohemian Rhapsody.”
As Milton got into “Sh-Boom,” his heart rate slowed, and he began to enjoy it.
Sh-boom, sh-boom
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Sh-boom, sh-boom
Life could be a dream, sweetheart.
La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-la
Sh-boom, sh-boom
Life could be a dream, sweetheart.
Singing was perhaps the only thing he and George had had in common. George had sung bass in Chordially Yours, and the two would often sing together at home aside from their rehearsals with the group. There was little that Milton would miss about George, but singing together would be one thing.
While Milton continued through his quartet’s repertoire, he lost track of the time, and having just sung the ultra-high falsetto part from “Bohemian Rhapsody,”
Thunderbolt and lightning, very, very frightening me
(Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro, magnifico
(Galileo) Galileo, (Galileo) Galileo, Galileo Figaro, magnifico
there was a loud knock on the door, and Milton stopped singing.
When he opened the door, a man in a brown suit was standing on the stoop. He was 50ish and balding. He said, “Are you Milton Frobish?”
“Yes.”
 Recognized |
Milton Frobish: A meek 41-year-old accountant, who moves into an HOA with his brother, George.
George Frobish (Geordie): The 44-year-old invalid brother of Milton.
Esme Green (pronounced Ez-may): Milton's next-door neighbor. She is 75.
Arnold Zimmerman: The detective investigating the accident on the steps.
Dorothy Clodfelter: The president of the Riverwood HOA.
Picture courtesy of Imagen-3
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